It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
