You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
it hurts more in the daytime
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
