Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
