Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
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