Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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