Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
