Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
