It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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