I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
