I heard we made out
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize
