DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
