i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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