i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
