I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
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