we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Just pee around me
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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