He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
