I heard we made out
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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