I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I think I just sharted jello shots
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
