I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
