Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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