dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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