How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
