Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
