So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
