she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
