i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
