The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I looked at my own cervix.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
