I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
