Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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