the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
