I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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