sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
