Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
