I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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