If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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