I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
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