I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
