Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
