omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
