I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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