I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
She's the barista slut.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
