take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
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