he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Do vagina's smell?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
