you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
