Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
