is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
