If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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