Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
