im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
