Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
