You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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