I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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