yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize