What a fucking waste of an outfit
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
zippers are such a cool invention
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
