So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
