i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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