It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
