Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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