I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Randomize
