Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Randomize
