bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
