I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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