i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
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you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
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I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
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