everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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