I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
