And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
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