You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
i drank out of a bidet.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
