Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I'm getting married
To pizza
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
