Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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