He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
