Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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