When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
