So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
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This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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