They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
