So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
