I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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