I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
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