onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
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Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
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He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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