he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
