making cat noises will not fix the situation.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Randomize
