There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
