You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
