im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
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